I cant sleep

A personal moment, originally uploaded by IshtarsKiss.

My artwork is my only true way to express how i feel. Lately its been going more toward an erotic art type movement and im not really sure. Why. Hell I think i may know but i just don't want to say yet.

Currently its 220am. I should be in bed. My creativity suffers on the weekends since I just want to stay up and not sleep. Currently i am working on more then a few projects.

One is the 2008 relay for life Commemorative book. Its something i feel needs to be put together and given out as a special treat for all those who have given their time and energy to a good cause. Right now i have 70 pictures choosen and need to choose 30 more. Once i get that done I can finally weed those down to a more manageable number to upload into second life. Sigh so many picture. So so many pictures. Over the course of one year over 6 thousand pictures to weed through and see what would look good or what represents this or that. It is a overwhelming job but its something I feel needs to be done.

I am working on a series of photos i have taken in a Japan inspired sim. All In one way or the other are inspired by different forms of light. I have always liked in real life how just one angel can change the perfect shot. How light reflecting off window shades can change a room completely. This in turn will represent that, in that artistic sense. I don't know how many i will do in this series. 5-10 tops.

Ok now the reason i cant sleep. I am a person who dreams. A lot of good dreams or something. They serve as my escape from life in a sense. The dreams don't have as much as they did in the past. Ever since I've had to rebuild my life from my mom passing and the first person I ever really fell in love with passing i cant remember what i dream. Small fragments of conversations or images are at the fore front of my brain when i wake up but nothing of real value.

I will fight what ever part of me is causing this and someday win. I wont let the bastard win. I spent 28 years of my life fighting and clawing my way out of the pit of depression to see an actual life. I will not give up on that.